Parent Coaching Only Hurts, It Never Helps
To be extremely honest, parent coaching only hurts it never helps. From an instructors perspective, the moment a child looks to their parent for guidance in a sport or activity, and not their coach or instructor the child has started to become un-coachable. Their are very few instances where this is not the case, however, most times it is. Using Jiu-Jitsu as an example. There are parents who have never put on a gi, taken a class or drilled a technique. Now, this may be difficult to hear, but it is true. With 100% certainty, I can tell you that you are not qualified to coach your child. You are not helping them in any way. In fact, for a BJJ perspective, you are hurting them. Your child needs to have total reliance on the guidance of his or her instructor. Especially in the beginning.
Allow the instructor to do their job
Pretty much every parent wants their child to receive the most attention. It is natural and that is OK. However, understand that there is more than one child in the class and the beginner students need the most attention. If you child has been involved in an activity for a long period of time, they more than likely do not need constant hovering. Allow them to try and make mistakes, a good instructor will always do this. If you expect the instructor to physically perform the tasks for your child again, that would only hurt them and not help. Unless you are a trained professional in that field (i.e Jiu-Jitsu, Gymnastics, Baseball etc.) do not try to intervene. You do not know more than their coach. Do not try to tell the instructor how to instruct or what you think they should be teaching.
Trust in the process
Yes, there is a process. There is no magic wand that can be waived over your child and make them great. Sorry to tell you this, but they are going to have put in the work. There will always be instances where a child is a bit more gifted than others. These are the children that will be put into more advanced programs and make progress a bit faster. That does not mean your child is or isn’t better than the others. Your child’s instructor will guide them through their journey. They may not always hold their hand, and that is sometimes needed. This is all by design.
Set the right example
This part is specifically for BJJ. An example of “why parent coaching only hurts”, is celebrating “wins” and showing disappointment in “losses” during training. No one wins or loses in the academy, our mindset is ‘win or learn”. Furthermore, sometimes it is better to lose in the beginning, you learn more. Having that mindset of counting your child’s “wins” and losses” in the Academy isn’t beneficial to anyone. The Academy is the lab where you have to try new things in order to evolve and get better. If your child is scared to “lose”, it will hinder their development. You are not helping your child, you are giving them a complex. They need to understand it is training, we as Martial Artists have good days and bad. If you have a genuine concern for their progress, email the instructor after class and set up a meeting.
Behaviors are mimicked
Your child mimics your behaviors, no doubt about it. Therefore, if you show no respect towards the instructors and staff of where your child is enrolled, they won’t either. Make sure you use proper titles of the instructors and demonstrate proper etiquette when in the facility. These are trained professionals in which you have entrusted your child to. Do not talk to them like they are your best friend (even if they are) when class is going on. Show your child how to respect those in higher position then them.
In conclusion, the above article covers just a few reasons why parent coaching only hurts it never helps.